..... .... ... .. . mimi

a world of sacrifices

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you.On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you,You'll never understand why I hurt so much,because you're not the one who is crying,you're not the one who is left behind,you're not the one who loved too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone...

u brought the best out of me, u gave that shine that that light up my dark broken heart. it was broken thru the life that i wen thru. every hardship, every mistake, every sadness.u were the gem in my heart.
why i put in so much hope, then and now.
coz i loved the way my life was...
coz i loved the way i changed...
coz i loved the way i was living for something...

coz i loved u...

i dreamt us being happy, living together with our own kids, going everywhere together, just spending my life with u, till i give out my last breath...
BUT
i did have thoughts...
what if money was the problem, what if i can't give u a good life, what if u had to work to live our life, what if i can't support u, what would we eat, would u suffer becoz i don'tbring enough food to fed u,myself my family...money mattered, i wanted u to have a good life, to have an easy one. i sacrifed everything to make that a reality. so u could be happy wen we settled down...

i thought that even though i miss u after not meeting u so many times, becoz of work, would pay off. i thought that if i worked hard and get lots of money would help us live a good life in the future.nearly everyday i would say that i miss u, u should remember that, but it was all for the future..

i was young, stupid and didnt care the world back then. i did tatoos, fight and took drugs. Fights and drugs are easy to let go. i can just walk off or stop taking drugs. but tatoos stay even though u still dont do it again. i did laser some...very little. it coz me a bomb. and i noe that i'll take it off someday, but i don't noe when. i wore big shirts to cover it all coz i hate them, i do not enjoy seeing it everyday. i'm embarress of myself.

after u left...
i wasnt strong,never will be, becoz i'm not with u.my hopes and dreams were u. i lived my life becoz of u. i wasnt hardworking, i wasnt always home, i wasnt always good. but wen u were here, my world changed.
i let u meet ibu,my family, to show them how much i loved u. ibu was already talking about marriage. she liked u. she sat beside u and always talk to u, remember?she was always talking about u. asking about u.
i dreamt of u every nite. till today. sometimes i just kept tinking about u,s till i got insomnia. my eyes are still red now, still have that lack of sleep. i drank nearly everyday, hoping that it will make me sleep everyday, but its still useless...
everyday when i go to work, i tot of u, all that hours of work, i worked for u.i hate going to work. coz it reminded me and was one of the reasons...
everyday when i changed, i see my tatoo's.hoping that it will go away. coz it reminded me and was one of the reasons...
everyday i see ur picture,in my wallet, coz i don't have the guts to take it out...
everyday,everything reminded me of u...
i'm not strong...i can't...
u were my life. my everything.
i cried everyday just asking why...
i'm depressed...
i can't move on...
i'm willing to change the world to be with u...
but why it seems impossible. i dun wanna meet others, they are not like u. i loved u like i loved ibu. no one could replace ibu. and no one could replace u.i'm just hoping to be together back again.
to see ur smile...
to feel that hug when u missed me...
to have ur love that u used to give me...

i dont wanna be be anyone. i just wanna be with u. i rather not get married and take care of ibu. i just don't wanna do anything without u.

u had so much impact in my life. u were the one for me and will always be. i wanna make it right this time. can we give it another try? i'm human, i make mistakes and i will learn and change. i'm just begging u to give me a chance. a chance to love u again. i dun noe why im feeling this. please Nur Shafawati...why can't we be together? why can't i have that second chance? to be happy like we used to... i always hope u think about it... coz i always do...

please princess...

Monday, March 10, 2008 // 11:45 PM